Hi Mstebbi



https://bit.ly/2J9kgek






Mary Stebbins

Re: Guess who we ran into in New Hampshire

I think I answered this--we are sitting at the bottom of the stairs at the ice cream store in Peterborogh,

On Mon, Oct 9, 2017 at 8:38 PM, Keith Taitt <tahquaman@yahoo.com> wrote:

So what are all these Berriers doing in New Hampshire?  And where, precisely, are you all sitting?  Not a familiar setting to me--a public building, judging by the smokestack next to Jane.

Greetings to all, please distribute hugs from me as appropriate.

                                                                                               K

On Sunday, October 8, 2017 10:14 PM, Mary N Taitt <taittems@icloud.com> wrote:

Sent from my iPhone

--

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. 
C. S. Lewis

Mary

Picking Up the Pieces

This is my latest project, hanging on the wall right above my computer monitor. Mary helped motivate me to finish it with her project titled False Advertising (see the previous post).

The background is a poster I bought for the very first apartment I had living on my own. I was 18 at the time, and trying to get out of a bad relationship. I had been living with very controlling boyfriend and his mother before that. He ended out moving in with me for about 6 months, until I finally got the nerve to pack his things and take him back to his mother. He told me I would never be anything without him. I was so afraid of being alone. That was 30 years ago to the day. I've been carrying around this poster and the frame he made for it ever since, though I had never hung it on a wall again, until now.

It seemed fitting to finally do something with it now after the breakup of my latest relationship. I guess living in an apartment alone again after all these years is what inspired me. I thought of the title before I had any idea of what I wanted to do with it. One day while I was thinking about the poster and my first apartment, I noticed I had put my hands together in the shape of an upside down heart, and thought, "I should paint my hands with the sun shining through, since I'm no longer afraid of living alone."

I didn't know what else to do, though, until I read Mary's False Advertising. I liked how the layers of tissue paper in her collage represented the layers we build up for protection emotionally. In mine the tissue paper is transparent, because my last relationship made a fool out of me, so I feel exposed.

Then there's fire coming out of the sky - the anger, and the water, which is symbolically spiritual to me, turns into puzzle pieces. The "cracks" I painted with a clear gloss varnish mixed with gold glitter, because that's my version of a cloud's silver lining, and they extend all the way into the frame that the first boyfriend made. In fact, the "cracks" go through everything except my hands - the fire, the puzzle pieces, the transparent layers, but not me.

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." - Frederich Nietzsche. I think that's why I like this song so much. It's called Break the Chain. It was written for an organization called One Billion Rising. Every year on Valentine's Day, people around the world organize a flash mob dance to this song to help raise awareness of the staggering statistics of violence against women (1 in 3 or one billion women world wide have been raped or beaten in their lifetime, and I'm one of them).

In my efforts to pick up the pieces of my life, I participated in the dance on the steps of city hall here in Houston  to help the mayor spread awareness of the problem here in Houston. We're the #1 city for human trafficking, and the task force she's implemented is called Shine a Light on Human Trafficking. Here's the video of us doing the dance:

Mary Stebbins Taitt sent you a story! False Advertising

I sent this Cowbird story here completely by accident, but since it is here, I left it.  It seems to apply.  To read the story, click on the second image.

Ongoing Forgiveness and finding balance

The poison Spindle (unfinished illo by me)

It's easy for me to be smug about forgiveness when I am happy and all is going well and the dark corners of my soul are hidden from view. BUT what if I am the Fairy (become wicked witch) who did not get invited to the wedding?

How do I avoid planting a poisoned spindle?

That actually happened to me, many years ago. A good friend--or so I'd thought--got married. Her fiance wanted my boyfriend as his best man, but my boyfriend and I had just had a fight. They decided that to avoid tension at their wedding, they would not invite me. I was incredibly hurt. Our friendship was never the same after that. I felt unloved and rejected. I've tried and tried to forgive. I have not succeeded as well as I would prefer. We are polite and write to each other every year at Christmas, but the closeness is gone. I would like to truly forgive, to forgive deeply and be cleansed of any lingering resentments. But that is not what I reallywanted to talk about.

The current issueone is GB, my stepson. He did not show up at home tonight in time to leave for his guitar lesson. This is the boy who "doesn't consider me family," who stopped calling me "Mom," though he called me that for many years, who doesn't want me to adopt him. Orphan boy. But it's me calling to make him his last minute already late doctor appointments so he can join track and me calling all around trying to find him so he won't miss his guitar lesson. And there won't be any thank yous. Not today, and probably never.

Do I need them? I probably shouldn't need them. I should be able to rise above it all, to continue to be loving in the face of rejection--and I keep trying--but sometimes, it's hard. Very hard.

Anyone know a way to detoxify a poison spindle?

I want to do nothing dishonorable or unloving in the face of continued rejection and being taken for granted. (can those two be in the same sentence together, rejection and being taken for granted?}. IS there such a thing as ONGOING FORGIVENESS? How does one learn that skill?

The Twelve steps teach that forgiveness is important. So is not being a doormat. I do not want to be a doormat for GB, but I also don't want to be a wicked stepmother. I want to find that good balance, but I don't know where it is or how to find it.

Forgiveness, part 101

Sometimes, I am not sure whether or how to forgive. I feel confused.
I ask myself:

a. Jesus (What would Jesus do?) It's been suggested that we ask this when confused about how to proceed. Jesus was not always Mr. Kindness and forgiveness. He kicked over the tables of the moneychangers. He cursed a tree that wouldn't flower for him. So how do we know when to forgive and when to start kicking? (I had Sissy acting like Jesus in my kids' book, Frog Haven!)

b. Buddha (What would Buddha do?) Imperturbability? I can only FAKE IT! I can "Act as if." I can pretend. But inside is a maelstrom. It rears its ugly head when my guard is down. How can I calm the maelstrom inside? (Prayer helps).

When forgiveness?

When forgiveness?

At what point does forgiveness come into the equation when there's been an argument or misunderstanding??  Does s/he have to ASK for it, apologize?  I usually just forgive him or her the best I can after a while because otherwise there is too much tension.  And I feel too sad.  But if there's been no apology and the bad behavior continues, is forgiveness appropriate?