It's easy for me to be smug about forgiveness when I am happy and all is going well and the dark corners of my soul are hidden from view. BUT what if I am the Fairy (become wicked witch) who did not get invited to the wedding?
How do I avoid planting a poisoned spindle?
That actually happened to me, many years ago. A good friend--or so I'd thought--got married. Her fiance wanted my boyfriend as his best man, but my boyfriend and I had just had a fight. They decided that to avoid tension at their wedding, they would not invite me. I was incredibly hurt. Our friendship was never the same after that. I felt unloved and rejected. I've tried and tried to forgive. I have not succeeded as well as I would prefer. We are polite and write to each other every year at Christmas, but the closeness is gone. I would like to truly forgive, to forgive deeply and be cleansed of any lingering resentments. But that is not what I reallywanted to talk about.
The current issueone is GB, my stepson. He did not show up at home tonight in time to leave for his guitar lesson. This is the boy who "doesn't consider me family," who stopped calling me "Mom," though he called me that for many years, who doesn't want me to adopt him. Orphan boy. But it's me calling to make him his last minute already late doctor appointments so he can join track and me calling all around trying to find him so he won't miss his guitar lesson. And there won't be any thank yous. Not today, and probably never.
Do I need them? I probably shouldn't need them. I should be able to rise above it all, to continue to be loving in the face of rejection--and I keep trying--but sometimes, it's hard. Very hard.
Anyone know a way to detoxify a poison spindle?
I want to do nothing dishonorable or unloving in the face of continued rejection and being taken for granted. (can those two be in the same sentence together, rejection and being taken for granted?}. IS there such a thing as ONGOING FORGIVENESS? How does one learn that skill?
The Twelve steps teach that forgiveness is important. So is not being a doormat. I do not want to be a doormat for GB, but I also don't want to be a wicked stepmother. I want to find that good balance, but I don't know where it is or how to find it.
