Forgiveness, part 101

Sometimes, I am not sure whether or how to forgive. I feel confused.
I ask myself:

a. Jesus (What would Jesus do?) It's been suggested that we ask this when confused about how to proceed. Jesus was not always Mr. Kindness and forgiveness. He kicked over the tables of the moneychangers. He cursed a tree that wouldn't flower for him. So how do we know when to forgive and when to start kicking? (I had Sissy acting like Jesus in my kids' book, Frog Haven!)

b. Buddha (What would Buddha do?) Imperturbability? I can only FAKE IT! I can "Act as if." I can pretend. But inside is a maelstrom. It rears its ugly head when my guard is down. How can I calm the maelstrom inside? (Prayer helps).

When forgiveness?

When forgiveness?

At what point does forgiveness come into the equation when there's been an argument or misunderstanding??  Does s/he have to ASK for it, apologize?  I usually just forgive him or her the best I can after a while because otherwise there is too much tension.  And I feel too sad.  But if there's been no apology and the bad behavior continues, is forgiveness appropriate?