Gratitude Today

I am grateful because:

• I have lost a little weight
• my fibromyalgia pain is present but not too bad
• I went through my novel, Frog Haven, end to end, and feel as if it is getting nearly ready to send out again.
• The sun is shining.
• My son, who is home sick, is currently asleep.
• there is nice music playing on the radio that I like.
• I am about to go make myself a nice breakfast and I expect to enjoy it.
• I have you to talk to and friendship is good. :-D
  

Successes and Failures, Small for Success

I set three small goals for myself, at the beginning of the year:

• To write a Geraldine poem,
  
• to clean under the Christmas tree and then the table, and clean up old projects
  
• and to start a diet.

and here's my report:

• I wrote a Geraldine poem, which is good, but haven't worked on it or filed it properly (bad)
• I cleaned under the tree, cleaned the junk off the table, washed the table cloth. I cleaned up SOME of my old projects, but there are so MANY! AK!
• I started a diet and lost some weight, but last night, during a bad bout of insomnia, when I was up in the middle of the night, I ate multiple slices of white bread and some other junk and gained some weight! :-(

New Goals (small for success):

1. Review the Geraldine poem I wrote, make any needed changes, FILE properly, read the Dawn assignments, and write one new poem, preferably a Geraldine poem. File that.
2. Call Muna Beai for a flu shot, blood test etc, and referrals
3. Restart my diet starting today

mini goal set 2:

• Begin removing items from the Christmas tree (Ask K to bring up boxes) Goal: to have Christmas tree down by Feb 2 (and not before).
• Make some positive cleaning changes around tree. Continue to clean up old projects.
• Do my assignments for painting class and my sketchbook exchange sketches

I am grateful that:

• I've lost weight (not much, but some)
• I did make a few positive cleaning changes
• I have written several new poems including a Geraldine poem
• I've had interesting dreams
• I am able to take the painting class
• I have a loving and tolerant husband
• at least at the moment, we have what we need
• there are trees and birds
• it's sunny outside
• that I took time to meditate today (I got some good ideas!, lol!)
  

I am trying not to chastise myself for being so slow at meeting my little goals and cleaning up. I always seem to be so BUSY!

Good News and Bad Regarding my Weight and gratitude for the Holidays and New Year

Good News and Bad Regarding my Weight

It's the new year and time to try again to lose weight. The good news is that I weight 24 pounds LESS than I weighed a year ago. Yeah, I know, I don't look a bit different and I still look fat, but I do weigh less and my clothes are a little looser and more comfortable. The further good news is that I only gained about 8 pounds over the holidays from Thanksgiving through New Year's, which will be easier to lose again, I hope, than the 25 or so I gained last year over the holidays. The bad news is that I am about 20 pounds heavier than I was at my lowest during the summer, and I am sick with all the usual problems I get when I travel. I have a sore throat, probably from eating dairy products inadvertently. I have pain in my feet and joints etc., the usual, somewhat exacerbated by bad food. The good news is that it is not as bad as it often is after I travel. Worse than normal, but less worse. I attempted to be extremely careful.

I am starting a diet, gradually at first, but then escalating, I hope. I can never predict the course of these things, but I intend to keep trying. Health first, weight loss second. Exercise.

I will report back. I hope. Sometimes, I get so busy I just cannot keep track of things or blog.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to You! :-D May 2009 be the best year yet for you personally and for the country and world.

I am grateful that:

1. I got to see my children (YAY!) and some of my friends over the holidays!
2. I weigh less than I did a year ago.
3. Our traveling both to and from NY was safe and relatively uneventful.
4. I did not gain as much as I sometimes do over the holidays.
5. I did not get as sick as I sometimes do over the holidays.
6. I am home. (Even though I enjoyed seeing everyone--my kids and friends! YAY!)
7. I had bird food for the birds and squirrels.
8. My African violets and houseplants survived without me and are still alive.
9. I have another opportunity to get back on track with my health and weight.
10. There is beauty to enjoy while traveling.
11. My husband loves me and tries to please me and make me happy.
12. I wrote two drafts of a new poem to bring in the new year.
13. I got nice gifts for Christmas from hubby and children etc.
14. I enjoyed lots of good food over the holidays and last night.
15. There is another new year to grow and heal and see beauty and be creative in.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Mary's mole has reached English shores

LOOK! I'm in England!

It landed on my doormat Tuesday (thanks Mike) and here it is on my table, waiting for inspiration to tickle my creative nodes. Great to see all your work first hand, and it is very inspiring. I can't wait to get started, if only I was in more. Need some more so-called Arctic weather to keep us indoors.


--
Posted By Johnnynorms to Moleskine Exchange at 11/27/2008 03:05:00 PM

Oops, I posted this by mistake. I was trying to send it to an alternate email address and typed it in wrong. BUT I think I will leave it, if you don't mind, as a gratitude thing! YAY! My artwork has arrived in England and I am grateful for that. And it will come back with other people's art in it! Wahoo! I want to do a gratitude list for Thanksgiving; we were too busy then.

1. I am grateful my Mole is touring around and will come back to me with art from all over.
2. I am grateful for BB who is out chopping leaves for the garden (mulch).
3. I am grateful for his love.
4. I am grateful for PB's musical ability and his health and well-being and the physical contact we had yesterday--I got to be close to him for a change on the couch at the family gathering.

I am also grateful for:

1. My daughters and their health, safety and well-being.
2. Time to be grateful.
3. Family time.
4. Good food.
5. Solo time, solitude.
6. Sunshine (not today).
7. my new light therapy lamp which might help me sleep better.
8. Beauty and the ability to appreciate beauty.
9. The things we have. (I am remembering how we lost 4 things and found them again and how grateful we were to have them back.)
   

I hope to write more sometime (later?)

Focusing on the Abundance

A banana tree flower that once had an abundance of bananas on it's stem.

I like Mary's idea of making a list of the things we have plenty of. It's another form of the gratitude list.

I have an abundance of:

- time to work on creative things
- spiritual things, ie. literature and meetings

Hmmm. That's all I can think of. Ok, here's my gratitude list.

I'm grateful for:

- the time and supplies I have for doing creative things [like my camera, so I can take pictures of banana flowers:]]
- the spiritual things, and God providing for me what I need
- having the necessities like shelter, food [not really an abundance of that, money's tight and I'm hungry right now, but I'm not starving] and clothes [I can get by for a little while longer on what I have]
- my computer when it works, and my blogging friends, like Mary, Yea!
- being able to pay my bills this month
- my sister-in-law who is going to take me out the family ranch with her for Thanksgiving this year, so I have something to look forward to

Ok, this has taken me over an hour to do. I've been pretty depressed, but I did it. I can see how Mary struggled with hers last week [or was that the week before?]. Today, work was difficult because of the pain, but I drew in my sketch book, and now I'm playing on the computer to take my mind off of my money and medical problems. I'm doing ok. I'll survive.

Wings Challenge - Attracting Abundance

In this Wings Challenge we were to define abundance and come up with an Allowing Statement to help us overcome limiting attitudes that are blocking us from having what we want. As I was working on defining what abundance means to me, I began to realize that I would need to be able to think clearly to attain the things I want. In my life of abundance, I would be able to worship, love, create artistically, and learn to my full potential without my vision being clouded by depression or anxiety. I went on to write about the health and peacefulness that would result, and how I would be celebrating abundance with others who appreciate the same things. This is how I see abundance.

So, when answering the question, "Is there anyone I know who has what I want?", I wrote, "Yes, a friend of mine who, in spite of her disease, is able to find peace and quiet her anxieties through prayer." It wasn't until after writing that statement that I realized I had just written my Allowing Statement. You'd think that this would be a very simple and obvious conclusion to come to, but it wasn't really the answer I was expecting to get from this challenge. Who knows what I was looking for, but I'm quite sure this is what I needed to find, even though prayer does not come easy to me.

As for my visual representation of abundance, water is very symbolic of spiritual things to me. The clear water in this picture is full of life and it's abundant colors.

In wrapping up the challenge, we're reminded again of the importance of a gratitude list to create positive energy. My list today includes yesterday's, because that when I worked on all of this.

1. The thing I'm grateful for the most today is the feeling that God guided me in this challenge to what I needed the most. I'm sure I have many more limiting attitudes that need work, but I now feel intuitively sure that this is what I should be focusing on.

2. I'm grateful for the chance I had to see an ex-boyfriend the other day. The reason is because he had quit drinking, and is now going to AA. I could see a difference in him, his demeanor, and the way he talked. And even though I could never date him again, it made me so happy to see that he was turning his life around. The joy I felt surprised me. I nearly cried. Then he apologized to me for the things he had done. I could see he was working the steps, and took my share of the responsibility by saying, "I let you do those things." When I was driving home, I was overcome with a peaceful feeling and a sense of closure.

3. I'm grateful for the beautiful weather we've been having, because I can take my clients to the park for their workouts. Exercise has been difficult and painful for me lately, and the beautiful weather helps me to forget my pain.

4. I'm grateful for the poetry challenges I've been participating in lately, because they've motivated me to start writing again. Yea!

I was going to work on a gratitude list today, but I worked on this poem instead. It's inspired by the plight of that poor child that was raped and then stoned to death for adultry. I know Mary was deeply affected by this story as well. As I post this, I can think of two things I'm grateful for. One, that when I was raped at the age of 13, I lived here and not the Middle East. And two, that she no longer has to live in such a barbaric society.

I'm also grateful for feeling better emotionally, and for being inspired to write again.

Abundance and Gratitude

I was just rereading Carla's Wings for You post on Abundance and Gratitude. I haven't got much time, but to counteract the down feeling I have from admitting one of my faults, a touch of shame, I thought I would do a quick gratitude list:

1. I am grateful today that Obama won--I know not everyone is, but I am.
2. I am grateful for a warm sunny day (with impending winter to remind me to be grateful!).
3. I am grateful for the beauty of fall colors and the ability to
enjoy that beauty.
4. I am also grateful for:

• my husband

• my children

• my friends

• their health

• my relative health

• the life of my friend Donna who recently passed, her sense of humor,

• our friendship

• trees

• birds

• flowers

• seasons

• an opportunity to write

Writing My Way Out of Depression

I've been in a bit of a funk lately, so I'm going to take the advice left here on this blog for me, and try writing my way out of it. This was my day yesterday:

There is no peace in my mind. Nothing eases the heavy brown smog that clogs every crevice of my life. When I wake, I'm overwhelmed with the sense that my heart just stopped, because there is no reason for it to continue beating. I gasp for air as consciousness stabs my brain, sucking in the musty gloom that I long to escape when I sleep. I lay in bed exhausted, tired of searching for a reason to get up every morning and finding none. Finally, getting up, because I have to, I pray for something to spark the tiniest shred of motivation within me, so that the day will be bearable.

I try to eat breakfast. Nothing tastes good. I force it down anyway, knowing my depression will get worse if I don't. I turn on the computer to post a poem I wrote the other day, but I'm tired, and don't feel like typing it. I decide to work on a picture to go with it, instead. I spend hours on it, but it doesn't excite me, and neither does the poem, anymore. I'm suddenly struck with the realization that my entire life has been a waste of time. "That's not true!" I argue with myself, but all my accomplishments seem pitiful at the moment, so I lay down to take a nap.

Again, I wake gasping for air, sucking in the "hopeless tape" that automatically starts playing before reality can slap me to my senses. "Stop!" Ok, focus on the feeling and where I feel it physically. The feeling dissipates, but not the thick brown gloom that accompanies it, or the exhaustion. There's only a vague memory of that sinking feeling you get when your heart skips a beat. Affirmations. I need to think of my affirmations quickly. Courage, insight, strength, determination... I go through my list, but they sound ludicrous. For some reason that I can't fathom, tying a plastic bag over my head seems more plausible than any of these affirmations, so I decide to escape into a daydream, where I make it past this phase of my life and go on to accomplish all the things I would like to do with my life. When all else fails, daydreaming keeps me from doing something stupid.

The hours pass like minutes. It's late night, and I've accomplished nothing today. The daydream makes the real world appear dreary, and the real world makes the daydream appear impossible. My vision is severely distorted by brown smog, and I'm too tired to fight it. But, I've survived the day, and tomorrow's another day.

The last line was my positive thing for the day, and my gratitude list. I did better today. Work helped get me through. My gratitude list for today:

I survived another day.
My work is not overwhelming.
I wrote this.
I found this picture that I did a while ago and forgot about, but seems to fit.

Blog Your Blessings

Video by Sandy Carlson

visit Sandy's YouTube channel for more

healing words, wisdom and videos

that are "based on prayers and scripture from various faith traditions."

I copied this post in part from Meeauw

I would like to be part of this blogging your blessings.
It's a good way to express a gratitude list!

Gratitude List 5-10-08

Fractal Flowers thanks to Apophysis.

Things I'm grateful for this week:

1. Benadryl extra strength anti-itch gel for poison ivy rashes - very, very grateful!
2. Extra strength Ibuprofen, because it knocks me out when I'm on my period.
3. Saturdays when I don't have to see anybody or do anything, while I'm itchy, bloated, cramping, and very ornery.
4. Free internet programs to make me forget about my orneriness,
5. And, of course, flowers to inspire me.
6. I'm grateful to have a job I love,
7. A roof over my head,
8. And enough money to buy groceries,
9. Also for free therapy via the internet.
10. It just seems like there should be 10 items on this list, so I'm going to mention my car. There's no other way to get around here where I live, and I just love my little Honda.

Gratitude List 4-30-08

Looking back at the gratitude list I made 2 weeks ago, I realized that the same things are still very important to me.

• I'm thankful for the raw food group meeting tomorrow.
• For this blog, and Mary's suggestion of doing a gratitude list weekly.
• For the life coaching challenges I'm working on, because it's really helped to pull me out of a low place this week.
• For therapy, because it's helping me to learn how to ask for help with dignity.
• And new to this week, a new client that I started working with today. She has some health problems, one of which is sore lymph nodes. I was able to show her how to relieve that, and she was so excited, that it made my day.
• For the beautiful weather this week, so I could work my clients out at the park, where I get to work out with them, which always makes me feel better.
• For all the free time I've had today for "me time".
• And the thing that I'm most thankful for this week is this morning's random scripture: Isa. 54:4 "Do not be afraid for you will not be put to shame, and do not be humiliated for you will not be disappointed. For you will forget even the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your continuous widowhood you will remember no more." I cried.

My Gratitude List

I'm still pretty depressed today, so I decided I need to work on my gratitude list.

• I'm grateful for the all raw food group that I belong to, and for our discussion yesterday which was about how we have to focus on the positive, and change the way we see ourselves into a more positive image of what we want to be. We talked about how the kind of food we eat greatly affects how we think.

• I'm grateful for the Wings Challenge I'm participating in, because it's teaching me how to focus on the positive, and change how I see myself.

• I'm grateful for this blog, because it seems to be focusing on the same things, and I don't believe that all these things are coming into my life at this time by accident.
  
  
• My therapy, too, seems to be focusing on changing how I see myself, and looking to God for help, which coincides with the my realizing that I need to work on the third step.

He, he, he. I guess I'm one of those people you have to hit over the head to make a point [in 4 or 5 different ways;]]. I know I need all of this right now, but it sure seems self absorbed. I'm just thankful that I have the time to work on all of this right now.

Gratitude List

gratitude gratitude gratitude

One of the tools of the twelve-step program is the gratitude list. It is also one of the tools of Sonja's happiness program. Being grateful for what I have reminds me that all is not gloom and doom as I sometimes start thinking when things don't seem to be going well.

• I am grateful today for my sweet loving husband who made me breakfast this morning, and who held me in his arms and cuddled me. Ah sweet love and cuddles! (And I am grateful for how wonderful he smells! Mmmm!)
  
• And I am grateful for the yummy breakfast. (And the smell of frying bacon, mmm).
  
• I am grateful for a rainy day so I don't feel bad having to do inside things. Though I wish it would be nice for those who can only get out on Sundays!) OH! It's snowing now!
  
• I am grateful for snowy days to remind me how wonderful sunny ones are.
• I am grateful for spring flowers! YAY spring, yay flowers!
• I am grateful for a warm dry house and warm comfortable clothes on a cold snoy day.
• I am grateful for trees and their grace, strength, patience, beauty.
• I am grateful for beauty and the heart to perceive and enjoy it.
• I am grateful for nature and wildness.
• I am grateful for space.
• I am grateful for time to paint, write poetry, work on my novels.