Fritzy and the Fish Tank

It's been a while since I've posted anything. I've been through a lot lately, medical tests, my brother, etc. My dad has flown in from Australia, and is staying with me for probably the next 3 to 6 months. I refused to get involved when my brother's pastor called several weeks ago to say that my brother was out of control and scaring some of the women in his congregation. Normally, I would have driven him downtown to the county psych hospital, and told him to check himself in and get back on his meds, or find another way home. In the past, I was always able to talk him into it. I didn't have the time or energy this time. I had to work. My other brother was mad because I wouldn't help. He used the excuse of having a client on the other line, like his job was more important than mine. He and my sister have come to expect me to just take care of these things. Now, because I didn't, my dad has come to try and straighten things out. I believe this has turned out for the best, because my dad is getting a dose now of what I've been through for the last 20 years, and had no idea that my brother could get this bad. It's been eye opening and heart wrenching for him, but having him with me 24-7 has been exhausting and painful for me.

I've been telling him exactly how I feel in the most diplomatic way I can think of, but I can see it's hard for him to take. After some of the awful things my brother has done, no one in this family expects me to live with him and take care of him anymore, and that's a relief to me, but as I've pointed out to him, I had to get physically ill, before anyone would step in and help. And, they're all irritated by the inconvenience of this whole thing. My sister still thinks that I'm just being lazy and need to see a psychiatrist, and convinced my dad to make an appointment yesterday [without asking me what I thought].

In the midst of all of this, I had this dream. It's about a dog I had and loved dearly as a child, Fritzy.

- Fritzy is old and dying. I accidentally sit on his head. I put him in the fish tank to help him recover, and then forget he's there. The next morning when I remember, I panic thinking he might be dead, but when I call him, he swims to the top and I lift him out. There's another little brown dog in the tank with him. I reach in to pull him out, too, but he swims under a rock, frightened. Then, I wonder how they were able to breath under water. That's when I wake up. -

In the past, I've found that dogs in my dreams usually represent my "pet projects" or therapy. Fish tanks are usually my responsibilities, and are usually neglected. I don't really get this dream, though. I asked for clarifying dreams, and lately the only ones I can remember are about moving furniture, which usually represents my baggage. I'm sure it's connected with my having to talk about the past with my dad, but it seems like I'm missing some of the meaning. Oh yeah, my dad's a heavy drinker, and it's been difficult lately for me to say no to alcohol, although I've not had more than one or two.