learning about ourselves and shadows

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

--Carl Jung

When you notice something about someone else that evokes a negative emotion in your field of conscious awareness to some degree, they are reflecting something in you that is similar, these are your shadow beliefs about yourself. Often, it's enough to acknowledge that characteristic and accept that it's part of us, but it is not who we are. But the first thing that usually pops up is the Ego with a case of denial. No, I don't talk that loudly... wear that much make-up... am not that rude... would never treat a friend like that ... am much more considerate... don't ever make mistakes like that... never behave that way in public. It's the I'm OK, you're not OK defense. Instead, we could accelerate our personal growth by exploring those parts of our selves that we notice in others and making conscious choices about whether we want to keep our behavior or change it. This is how we develop our strengths.

If we decide to keep it, we then have to learn to let go of our need to keep it or it can work against us. If you notice another person who always has to be right or have the last word, and you find it annoying, begin to observe your self in different situations to become aware of when you are like that. Think about how it serves you. If you're a trial lawyer that might be a good characteristic and you might decide to keep it, but if you're a tennis player, it might be to your disadvantage not to change. When you become aware that you do the thing or are like that sometimes, to some degree, you can determine whether it's appropriate or not appropriate by the reactions you evoke in others. Then you can accept that it is part of you, but it is not all that you are. Something that's part of you is always part of you, but you have the ability to intensify it or extinguish it. You can still want to express your opinion, but let go of your need to be right. You can still demand to be heard, but if you continue to expect others to believe you or do what you say, then you haven't let go of your attachment to being in control, having it your way.

The mirroring technique is a method to increase self-awareness which involves paying attention of your physical and emotional reactions during encounters with others. If you feel comfortable with someone, you are mirroring positive parts of your self (e.g. good conversationalist, pleasant smile, confidence). If you feel anger or don't like the person right away or get a bad feeling about the person, they are reflecting something in you that you feel uncomfortable about— but would probably deny if confronted with that information. You may choose to put up a wall to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror. The stronger your denial, however, the more likely it is true about you. When you know everything about your self, good and bad, and can still accept your self, you'll find yourself becoming more accepting of other people's eccentricities and less annoyed with the world, in general.

The following exercise will help you learn to use mirroring to learn about your self. It is suggested you pay attention first to negative feelings because we learn the most about ourselves from these. They are our greatest teachers. When you become good at processing this information, don't beat yourself up too badly, you can use the same technique to look at the positive things about yourself to reconstruct your self-image.

I copied this from here, go here to read more.

The quote from Aurora got me thinking.