There Was a Little Girl
There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I used to hear this a lot as a child, and also this one:
Mary Mary, quite contrary
how does your garden grow?
It was the quite contrary part my mother or father was referring to, of course.
Someone called me a drama queen. I was always accused of exaggerating, and I probably did. And do. But I also think I feel and experience things more deeply than other people do. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but also my laughter, my pain, my tears, my anger, and everything else.
I am "oversensitive." But you can't just tell someone who is oversensitive to "get over it," and expect them to suddenly be normal. I can't switch it on and off. It seems to be hardwired into who I am.
The reason I am writing this is because I read somewhere that bright lights help you reset your biological clock AND my doctor Muna Beeai suggested that I get a "blue light" for depression and insomnia. I haven't done so yet. But what I've been doing is going outside and sitting in the sun for 20 minutes when I first get up--I do my exercises, meditate, draw, paint, read, whatever. But this morning, my quiet neighborhood is suddenly transformed into Busytown!!! I sat in the backyard which is usually really quiet and peaceful--and cherish, truly cherish, peace and quiet--and there was ll this banging, crashing, sawing, hammering, loud radios, cell phones, yelling vices. A team of carpenters is putting a new roof on the neighbor's house. So I went out front. There was a crew of people working on the road and another wheeling wheelbarrows full of dirt to another neighbor's yard. Construction come home!
I am very sensitive to load noises; they really disturb me. The vacuum cleaner sends me into paroxysms of panic, and has since I was very young. It's worse if soemone else is doing it--I can deal with it better if I am doing it.
BUT. not much better, which is an issue for me. I tried to sit it out and ignore it, but I was getting tenser and tenser. Soon my shoulders were up around my ears and starting to HURT. I had to give it up and go inside. I can still hear the pounding and sawing in here, but not so intensely.
So, I am contrary, oversensitive, easily disturbed. Sometimes horrid. And loving, cheery, intelligent and creative. AK!
4 comments:
I was born on the fourth of July, and I hate fireworks! The loud noise unnerves me. I hate popping balloons. I hate guns. I hate anything that's loud and startling, and will go to extremes to avoid them. Even my dog's bark hurt me.
Constant noises like vacuum cleaners, I can handle better. I think because of all that loud music I used to listen to, and all the loud machinery in the sign shops I worked in over the years.
About over sensitivity, my therapist says it's a gift, and I should learn to use it to my advantage instead of fighting it. It's hard, though, when others can be so judgemental about it.
I don't like loud noises either. AK!
Hope you have a happy birthday--what might make it happy?
More later.
Well, my husband died June 30th, and his service was on the 5th, so this just isn't a happy time of year for me. I usually try to plan a vacation around this time of year, but that didn't work out this year. If I could go scuba diving somewhere, though, that would make it happy.
There are times when perhaps we cannot be happy.
Maybe SHOULD not be happy?
Maybe it is OK to be SAD and feel grief at the anniversary of the death of a loved one.
On the other hand, I think it is OK to be happy when we are ready to be happy.
What if you
1)listed all the things you loved about your husband.
2) spent some time remembering him and feeling sad and glad.
3)listed things you did together.
4) found a way to do a few of them with someone else you care about.
5)can you arrange to go scuba diving?
(Was your relationship a good one?)
(How did he die?)
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