1)What is abundance for me? Let me start with what it is NOT. Abundance does NOT mean having a lot of money. I don’t object to having a lot of money, I guess, but I don’t think money is the root of abundance. One needs enough money to meet one’s basic needs.
To feel as if I have abundance in my life, here is what I think I need:
- Ø Enough food, shelter, clothing to stay warm and dry (not to be a fashion plate), money or means to acquire what I truly need.
- Ø Good health. To really feel blessed and abundant, good health would be helpful.
- Ø A lean healthy body. Probably not a necessity, but it sure would help.
- Ø Nature and outdoors: I need to have some time in nature and be outdoors.
- Ø Love. Romantic/partner love.
- Ø Trust.
- Ø Family. Connections.
- Ø Friendship. Connections.
- Ø Hugs! Touching.
- Ø Creativity. Writing, poetry, art. Cooking.
- Ø Help! Growing and healing and coming to terms with my issues.
- Ø Smiles, laughter, sharing. Connections.
- Ø Community. Connections.
- Ø Meaningful, satisfying activities and work.
- Ø Completion. The ability to one by one in an orderly fashion see my projects to fruition.
- Ø Satisfaction: The ability to derive pleasure and satisfaction from daily accomplishments.
- Ø Beauty: The ability to see, perceive and enjoy beauty. And perhaps translate it.
- Ø Possessions: I would like to have those things I need to live, love, cook, do art etc.
- Ø Travel: I would like to be able to travel occasionally.
- Ø Ways to “give back.” I would like to give back in ways that fit who I am and my lifestyle without taking too much away.
- Ø Security: I know we never really have security, but I would like to change my mindset so I feel secure enough to give more freely, be more generous. Trust.
- Ø Organization: to be able to complete tasks, I need to be more organized.
- Ø Learning and exploration: I need to learn new things, explore new places.
- Ø good communication!
Is there anyone doing what I want to do? Yes, lots of people publishing books, doing research, writing poetry, doing art, writing children’s books, traveling, etc. Part of my problem may be that my expectations are too high. I want everything. I guess I need to learn to do one thing at a time, complete it, celebrate it, and then move on. Or do a couple things, but not too many. I have tendency to have too many irons in the fire, too many projects going, and not complete them, or if I do, be unable to celebrate because I have six other deadlines and urgent things going on—or that’s my perception, anyway.
Also, there are people who are organized and together and manage to accomplish many things and still seem to be happy and calm. (Maybe they don’t have ADHD—like I do.)
There are people with ADHD who manage to overcome their handicap and accomplish great things—I guess. I don’t know of any, but there must be. There are certainly many people writing and publishing books and making great art.
In my ideal abundant life, I would be lean, healthy and organized, have a reasonably tidy house, and crank out project after project or poetry, books, art and photography in a reasonable and organized way and also have time for love, family and friends. I would sometimes travel. I would laugh a lot and have fun. I would spend time outdoors in nature, visit art museums, go to concerts. I would explore. Good communication—I would be able to communicate more successfully and so would those around me!
Limiting beliefs:
- Ø I believe myself to be unworthy of good things. I think I am a bad person.
- Ø I’m not good enough.
- Ø I believe in scarcity. There are not enough good things to go around.
- Ø I feel unlovable. It doesn’t help that I just had a fight with my husband over something stupid and am now missing my son’s concert. And my $15 ticket is going unused (but worse that I am missing the concert after all the work they did getting ready).
- Ø There is not enough love. Just look around.
- Ø There is not enough food—people are starving.
- Ø People with ADHD are rarely if ever successful. I don’t know of anyone who is.
- Ø People with ADHD and addictions are probably even less likely to be successful. FAT people with ADHD and addictions are probably even LESS likely to succeed. (Everyone knows fat people are ugly, stupid and unlovable, right? That’s how it seems.)
I thought my husband might come back and get me but he didn’t and the concert will start in 5 minutes and I can’t get there in 5 minutes. I am feeling very sad and very bad. My heart hurts. Maybe he thought I would drive over there. But it’s too late now. Maybe I should add good communication to the list of things one would have in an abundant life. I am very very sad.
Now it is after 8:00 and the concert is going on without me.
OK, for my limiting beliefs, here are some allowing statements:
- Ø I am human and therefore quite fallible, which I hate to admit, but I am generally a good and worthy person. (I don’t really believe it, no matter how many times I say it.) I love and accept me exactly as I am, even if I’m a jerk. I love and accept me exactly as I am.
- Ø I am good enough. (Occasionally). I am good enough, I am good enough, I am good enough.
- Ø There is enough for me. I already have enough, I just need to change my perceptions. There is more than enough.
- Ø I am willing to give and receive abundant love. There is enough love. I deserve love (just by being human and loving.)
- Ø There is enough love.
- Ø There are probably people with ADHD who are successful.
- Ø There are probably people with ADHD and addiction who are overweight and are still successful.
- Ø I have already succeeded in:
- o Walking the Northville Placid Trail
- o Walking part of the Colorado trail
- o Getting two master’s Degrees with high honors.
- o Writing several complete novel manuscripts
- o Writing several complete poetry manuscripts
- o Winning awards for my photos, art and poetry.
- o (Therefore, I can succeed in other ways as well.)
(but I still don’t believe it. I feel worthless and unlovable and unsuccessful and stupid.) (Being home alone and missing my son’s concert is NOT helping at all. And if I look at myself, or look around me, my worst fears are confirmed. I am fat and messy.)
- Ø I am willing to be lean and healthy and lead a happy loving abundant life. :-D
(Sorry to be so whiny--I am really depressed--I was hoping this would cheer me, but it hasn't, because the situation I am in is unresolved.)
OK, I feel a little better now that I have created an image, a little more hopeful.
This image represents me in my new abundant life. I am sitting in a beautiful spot in nature writing poetry or stories or drawing. I am working on a project and I intend to see it through to fruition. The white moths represent angles. They are my muses, my spirit guides, my spirit healers and my spirit teachers. (I suppose I should show more of them, but you get the idea.) When I take a step forward in the right direction, they gather around to help. If I take a step in the wrong direction, they warn and teach and guide. And if I don't listen, they hopefully help me learn from my mistakes. (Okay, I admit it, I am often a slow learner.) But they keep trying. Although I will never be this young again, I could possibly be lean and healthy. Like this girl.
I need to:
- get back on my diet
- work harder at it, but in a relaxed and loving way
- keep working on my projects, one or two at a time.
- Try to balance them by doing work around the house and other things that need to be done.
- Try again to make a flexible schedule.
- Try to get back on an even keel with BB once this blows over.
- Keep plugging away.
9 comments:
What an amazing picture! I can see how it helped you to feel a little better. It's so positive! The white moths give it such an enchanted feel.
I'm so sorry to hear about your argument. It sounds like you need to hear some positive things about yourself right now. I know you don't believe you're stupid, even if you feel like it right now. You can't possibly be stupid with 2 master degrees, or unsuccessful with published manuscripts [in spite of having ADHD]. I wish I could say that. And, you're definitely not ugly. I've seen pictures of you. I don't think BB thinks you're ugly either, or he wouldn't have married you. Some men don't want skinny, "bony" women. My brother is one. He says he prefers his women with lots of curves. My husband was another. He was disappointed when I lost the weight, which surprised me. I started working out, so he wouldn't think I was skinny or bony. I hope this is cheering you up. It's ok to be whiny. That's what friends are for, and then they remind you of all your good qualities. You are a very talented, successful, beautiful woman, inside and out. I don't think you're dreaming too big. You've just been telling yourself too many negative things, so here's a shot of positive. [I'm taking the liberty of removing the negative out of your allowing statements, like "I'm a jerk", lol]
I am generally a good and worthy person
I CAN love and accept myself
I am good enough
There is enough for me
I am willing to give and receive abundant love
I am worthy of love
There is enough love
I am successful
I hope I got them all, and I hope you're feeling better.
I was really genuinely FEELING those things when I wrote them. I am feeling a little but better now, thanks to two things:
your cheering me up :-) THANKS!
my feeling good about the image I made.
BB and PB have returned from the concert and are talking happily between themselves but neither has spoken a single word to me.
I probably will not recover from feeling glum until all this is worked out, but I do feel better, thank you very much.
I actually have quite a bit of abundance in my life as far as material things--I certainly have enough most of the time--but I am kind of messed up and not always able to enjoy it.
Thanks for helping me take a few steps closer to enjoying abundance! :-D
"I am willing and able to enjoy the abundance I have and create more in my life." How's that?
"I am moving in the direction of creating and enjoying positive abundance."
"I will now allow abundance and joy into my life."
:-D Thanks
(What I was feeling was the bad things, not the good ones).
I am definitely feeling SOMEWHAT better now. :-D
(dead silence from the rest of the family.)
Those are wonderful Allowing Statements! Yea! I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Maybe PB and BB are afraid of upsetting you more, so they remain silent. I hope you're able to talk things out with them.
I had written a reply and was just about to click "publish your comment" when the computer shut down for no apparent reason. It does that randomly from time to time. When my other computer started doing that, it died. Permanently. I lost all my work. Hope that doesn't happen again!
What I had just written was this:
BB and PB have gone to bed without speaking or saying goodnight.
I am afraid to speak to BB, too, as he was yelling at me in the car and calling me an asshole etc.
I had criticized the placement of the light switches in the house and he is very reactive to any criticism about the house, plus he's an electrician--but he didn't put the switches in. I think they are poorly placed and he says they are "according to code," as if that makes them well placed. That was all well and good--we can agree to disagree, but he got all mad and started yelling. HE did, not me, he said I was an asshole, and was yelling, so I told him to stop the car and I got out and walked home.
I will not sit in a car or anywhere else with someone who is yelling at me.
I did say, "Fuck you!" to him when I got out, but before that, HE was the one yelling.
I would have liked to have gone to PB's concert. There's another show tomorrow and I will probably attempt to go to that one.
But until things are straightened out, I will probably be really nervous and depressed. Since they went to bed without speaking, I don't quite know how to go about turning things around. Sometimes, in the morning, if we had a fight the day before, we just get up and pretend nothing happened. We tiptoe around and act all polite.
Last time, I agreed with myself to pretend everything was all hunky dory, but I was actually still angry.
One of the weaknesses in our relationships is dealing with disagreements and getting things turned around and talking them out. We tend to get all upset again if we try to talk things over. But this is bad because if there's a real problem, we can never get it solved. Both of us tend to get defensive (unnecessarily!) and uptight when talking about hotbutton issues. Of which we have a lot.
Like PB's failing grade in math (again)--he failed last year.
We differ as to how to handle it.
And I am "the wicked stepmother" so it is them against me. BB tends to ignore problems until they blow up in his face. I think we should take some action.
Also--PB's room is a mess and I think he should spend a few minutes picking up before he's allowed to go out and I told BB that this AM but he allowed him to go out without even 2 minutes of picking up. I don't want to always be the one harping on stuff because I'm afraid PB won't like me. But BB regularly refuses to step up to the plate.
Ah, sorry, here I go again.
I just completed a "sketch" in Willie's Mole (from the Moleskine exchange group) and posted it and am feeling really good about that, but it is hard to celebrate when I am tired and sad.
I think it came out pretty good, though. :-D
"I CAN SUCCEED at doing good artwork. :-D"
Like everyone else, sometimes I fail and sometimes I succeed, and today, I made not one but two pieces of art that pleased me--One ont he computer and one in WIllie's Mole--that took about two weeks, but I stuck with it.
"I can see long projects through to completion. I am capable of completing projects."
YAY!
Sorry to go on and on, still feeling blue.
But better, yes, a little better!
Thank you for sharing this challenge. I enjoyed reading especially the interaction of each person who commented this topic.
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